


Six Degrees of Separation

by Someonewhosfunny



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Post Break Up, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 22:40:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/627304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Someonewhosfunny/pseuds/Someonewhosfunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis wasn’t Louis without Harry. He needed him. Since he was 18 years old, the curly haired boy had always by been by his side. Now, at 20, he was suffering the worst separation anxiety he could imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Degrees of Separation

**Author's Note:**

> Posted originally on Tumblr in October.  
> Based on the song "Six Degrees of Separation" by the Script (see a a pattern here? I like music haha)  
> Written in reaction to the "bullshit" tweet. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with One Direction (or the memebers thereof), BBC Radio 1, Nick Grimshaw, or the Script.
> 
> Let me know what you think! :) Feedback in greatly appriciated!

“I don’t understand why you’re mad! You know we’re not coming out now. I’m just trying to make everything better for both of us! Why can’t you understand that?” 

Louis followed after the curly haired boy as he turned and began to walk out towards the door. Earlier that day, Lou had publicly denied having feelings for his band mate, scoffing at the idea that he could ever love his best friend. Hearing the effortless denial made Harry’s heart shatter.  He tried to remind himself that it was Louis’ job to deny their love, but his boyfriend spoke with such conviction that it was hard to believe he was lying. Maybe the lie was that he had ever loved Harry in the first place.          

“You shit on our entire relationship, Lou. On our _fans_! They’re the ones supporting everything we do! You hurt them. You hurt me, too!”      

The veins popped out of Harry’s neck, punctuating every word he shouted. It hurt him more than he could describe having to hear Louis speak about their relationship so negatively. Harry always stayed quiet, never commenting on the rumors or tweets or speculations. Louis, on the other hand, was very outspoken. He liked to attack every single person who talked about his love life. He told Harry constantly that he was just trying to keep them both safe (they weren’t ready to come out, he reasoned), but the only thing he seemed to be doing was turning into a massive jerk. Harry hardly knew Louis anymore. Everything about him was so angry, so nasty and vulgar and so _not_ Louis, that he didn’t even resemble the man Harry fell in love with.             

“I told you, Harry! I’m just-”          

“I know!” Harry yelled at the top of his lungs, voice cracking under the strain. “You’re trying to protect me! I don’t care! When you act like this, you’re doing the opposite. People’s comments aren’t hurting me nearly as much as you are!”          

The older boy stayed oddly quiet, thin pink lips drawn in a tight line. There were no words for him to say. Harry’s entire demeanor was angry, angrier than Lou had ever seen him.        

“I can’t keep doing this, Lou.” Harry’s voice dropped to a softer – gentler – tone. “I’m sorry. I’m done.”        

The lanky boy turned on his heels and strode out the door, his strong hands pulling at his curly locks. Louis stayed frozen in his spot, watching his boyfriend storm out, slamming the heavy wooden door behind him.

Lou wasn’t sure how long he stood there, staring at a door that wasn’t going to open. Shock paralyzed his mind, making any conscious thought impossible. He eventually collapsed onto the living room couch, not bothering to make it to the bedroom. Sleeping in his bed alone would make everything real, waking him from whatever haze he had fallen in.  Louis knew that if he processed what had just happened, he would completely lose it.     

_I._

_First, you think the worst is a broken heart_

 

The next day, the older boy had gone out, fully expecting Harry to be back when he got home. He spent the entire car ride home practicing his apology and imagining their night together as they put their fight in the past. He wanted everything to be exactly how it was yesterday afternoon, before this nightmare began. As soon as he walked through the door, he was immediately hit with uncertainty. There was something distinctly _different_ about their flat.

After a thorough investigation, the awful realization hit him. Harry’s possessions were gone. Half of their flat was empty.             

Without thinking, Louis pulled his phone from his pocket and called a familiar number. When the call went straight to voicemail, he called again, panic arising in his chest. After the fourth try, a voice finally spoke on the other line. 

“Stop calling,” a deep accent grumbled before ending the brief call.

It wasn’t until then that Louis realized how serious Harry had been. He really was _done_. Their relationship was _over_. Nothing could mend what Louis had broken.

That night, Louis couldn’t help his hysterics. He cried into his pillow, which smelled so much like the boy he loved that it was painful. The most constant person in his life was suddenly gone; he’d pushed him away with his stupidity. The sheer heartbreak had him sobbing uncontrollably. They were no longer _HarryandLouis._ He was just _Louis_ now, which was unimaginable because he didn’t know _how_ to be just Louis anymore. He’d forgotten how to _be_ without Harry.

Harry had taken his heart, and Louis didn’t think anything could be worse than this.

_II._

_What's gonna kill you is the second part_

 

He was wrong, of course. Things could, and _would,_ get worse. Everything reminded Louis of the boy he could no longer call his. He couldn’t turn on his laptop, or even the television, because everywhere he looked was that flawless face burning in his mind. Even a walk in the city was dangerous territory, with billboards and phone booths. Louis didn’t want to have to see Harry because the younger boy caused such a throbbing pain in his chest, a reminder of everything he did wrong. One day in the studio with his band mates tested all of the strength that the 20 year old boy possessed, which he promptly realized was not very much. As soon as the agonizing day was over, he called Simon as soon as possible to request a holiday. With his boss’ approval, Louis flew out to Alberta, Canada – a huge, expansive ocean away from the boy he was avoiding.

In Canada, he kept a low profile, never once being photographed. He took a private plane there and stayed holed in a small inn. It wasn’t difficult to stay out of the public eye; he never left his tiny hotel room.  He spent his days watching and tweeting about reality television shows, concerning many of the fans. He thought that maybe investing himself in the lives of others would make him forget his own. It was a desperate attempt, and it eventually failed. 

Louis couldn’t find anything to keep him sane. He was slowly slipping into a pathetic funk that he couldn’t seem to shake. His mood was constantly hopeless and lethargic. Lou didn’t have the energy or desire to do anything. He felt completely numb, a bystander in his own life.

What he needed most desperately was his best friend back. Without Harry, he had nothing, no one. The other boys were always there for him if needed, but he didn’t want their pity or advice. He would never force one of the boys into the middle of his and Harry’s issues.

Instead, he began to retreat more and more into himself. The days dragged on for him as he fell into a miserable pattern. Pain pulsed through him like the steady beat of his heart, inescapable and infallible. Louis was sure that this unshakable depression was going to kill him.

_III._

_And the third, is when your world splits down the middle_

           

After two weeks, Louis couldn’t continue his draining routine. He knew he needed to go back to London.         

Within hours of his decision, he was sitting on a plane to Heathrow. Once he got to his flat, he realized that things weren’t any better in London. He couldn’t do anything without thinking about Harry. Everything was a cruel reminder of the past.           

He couldn’t remember the last time he was this _lonely_.  Louis wasn’t Louis without Harry. He _needed_ him. Since he was 18 years old, his curly haired companion had always by been by his side. Now, at 20, he was suffering the worst separation anxiety he could imagine.

His absolute breaking point came one day while he was trying to make himself dinner. It was simple, just some chicken and rice. He figured he could handle the small task. It turned out that he couldn’t even do that. Louis discovered that he was completely incapable of functioning like a normal human being.          

Louis stared at the burnt chicken that sat in the now cooled pan, a reminder of his failure. The sight wore down his already thin layer of control, causing him to lose all shred of sanity. Louis began to throw objects around the kitchen, listening as they mashed, creating a mess everywhere. Glass wear, ceramic, metal. Everything his finger tips touched was pelted at the wall, his heart shattering more and more with every object he destroyed. Tears burned his eyes and soon he was sobbing, crumbled in the middle of his disaster of a kitchen with no one to pick him back up.           

Louis never had to cook for himself. Harry was always there to do it for him, and his mum before that. Without Harry, he couldn’t even consider himself a functional member of society. He was twenty years old and he couldn’t cook himself a goddamn meal.

He dried his swollen eye and threw on a jumper, having no choice but to venture into the city to pick up food. Sure, he could’ve asked one of the boys to get something for him, but that was just so _degrading_. He didn’t want the world to know how broken he was, how desperate he was becoming. He wanted to prove that he could do _something_ for himself.          

Louis weaved through London with a synthetic smile forced onto his lips. He was stopped an uncountable amount of times by fans and paparazzi alike, which shouldn’t have been surprising in the busy city, but aggravated him none the less. He feigned happiness in every single picture, hoping no one could see the desperation in his eyes – the pain throbbing under a thin layer of skin.

His walk through the city seemed to last years, but eventually he picked up his take away. On his way home, the paparazzi continued to harass him. The pressure from their merciless questioning, and the stress from everything in generally, was slowly wearing him down. His fragile veneer was slowly cracking, just like his world.          

The moment his foot stepped through the door, he was breaking again under the weight of everything: his fame, his fans, his critics, his life, his love, his loss. He wasn’t strong, not in the slightest. Harry was his strength, his rock. Without him, his world was splitting down the middle.

_IV.  
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself_

           

It had been a month since Louis and Harry’s break up and Lou was finally rebuilding himself. With nothing better to do in his life, he meticulously glued every piece of his broken heart back together. He tapped together his world. He cleaned his kitchen – he cleaned the entire flat. Slowly but surely, Louis Tomlinson was returning to the person he used to be. He laughed again, shaky and faint, but it was an improvement. He smiled again, the contortion of his face barely resembling the grimace that had claimed the boy’s most attractive feature for so long. Louis was beginning to resemble himself again.          

He went back to the studio to record; he began to live his life again. He spent time with the boys, tweeting them and texting them jovially. He pulled pranks at work and told jokes to the crew. He sat in the same room as Harry every single day. It was awkward and tiring, but he did it. They were little victories, but they were improvements.         

He did interviews again. He acted like the Louis everyone once knew. He tweeted happy things and engaged his fans. The boys were hopeful that this was the end of his slump, so was Lou. He was content. Life was going on, even though he thought it would be impossible. Louis was stronger than he’d thought. He had fallen so low, but now returned to where he stood before. Louis did it. He fixed his broken heart.

_V.  
Fifth, you see them out with someone else _

           

Everything in his life seemed to be fine, until one day he turned on BBC Radio 1 as he drove home. The voice of the host, Nick Grimshaw, radiated out of the speakers. Louis knew Nick; they had met at the Teen Awards last year. He didn’t know him very personally, but the two had met up on occasion because he was a friend of Harry’s.

As Lou drove along, a familiar voice filled his ears.         

“I’m always here. I’m just never allowed on the thing. I reckon I’m your most supportive friend.”          

Harry’s deep, slow voice filled the car, nearly causing Lou to crash the vehicle. Earning a few honks, he quickly pulled over to the shoulder of the road, listening intently to the radio he barely cared about a few minutes prior.          

“Amy, he’s here all the time,” Nick explained to his friend in the studio.

“I’m here like every day,” Harry piped up in the background.

Harry was there every day? The news hit Louis straight in the chest, knocking the air from his lungs, making him feel physically sick. He knew Nick was Harry’s friend, but now they sounded like best mates. While Louis was barely holding himself together, Harry went and replaced him with Nick Grimshaw.  

“Why don’t you tell the good people how you treat me when I’m broadcasting on BBC Radio 1,” Nick suggested.

“I usually throw things…”  Harry began, before Lou quickly slapped the off button.

Louis didn’t want to hear about how much fun Harry had with Nick. He remembered when it was him the curly haired boy was joking around with. The two boys used to act like complete idiots together, but they had the greatest times, even just sitting in the studio. Now, Harry was doing the same thing with Nick. Powerful jealousy burned in his heart, slowly consuming everything.

The gearshift was thrown into park and Louis desperately opened a browser on his phone, obsessively searching Nick and Harry. What he found made all of his resolve, all of his strength, crumble. He saw pages and pages of pictures of the pair, both candid and posed. They went out together nearly every day it seemed. Harry spent most nights in Nick’s studio listening to his show. They talked on twitter constantly, and the fans really took a liking to their friendship. Louis was breaking with every new piece of information he found. Harry was having fun; he was _happy_. Louis couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen the younger boy this happy, his mouth always curled in a smile or open mid laugh. Louis never made him that happy. Harry was better off without him. 

The older boy couldn’t carry on like this. Seeing Harry with Nick slowly unraveled all of the progress he had been making. Lou was back at square one. He was breaking and he knew he wouldn’t be able to fix himself again. He needed Harry back. There was no other option.   

_VI.  
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little._

             

“Harry?” Louis began tentatively, using all of his might to force that one word out.

It was a few days after the radio incident and he had cornered the curly haired boy in the studio. Louis was hardly confident coming into the situation, and his small ounce of strength quickly disappeared when Harry’s green eyes pierced his soul. The young boy had never seemed so _tall_ , so grown up and intimidating. Louis knew it was ridiculous to feel so nervous. It was Harry for God’s sake. Harry, who he knew better than anyone else in the world. Or had that changed?       

“Yeah Lou?”       

Louis froze, just like he had the night Harry walked out. He had a whole speech prepared about how he had messed up and how he was sorry, but now he couldn’t remember one word. Harry had him completely still, both mesmerized and terrified.          

“Lou?”          

“I’m sorry,” he stuttered out in a rush. “I’m so sorry, Harry. I’m an absolute idiot. I’ve messed everything up. You were right to leave, but I need you back. I miss you so much it’s unbearable. I’m not saying I deserve you, but Harry, _I love you_.”          

Without a word being said, Harry pulled the smaller boy into a fervent embrace. Louis held him tightly, afraid that if he let go, Harry would slip from his grip. The hug felt natural, like the past few months had never happened. Louis felt whole again. It was as if he’d never been broken in the first place.        

“I missed you, too, Lou. So much.”          

Louis was so relieved that he started laughing, a hysterical sound that made him seem completely mental. He buried himself in Harry’s large frame, still shaking from the shock.           

“Louis, I love you, too,” Harry comforted, murmuring into Lou’s feathery hair.          

“Why’d you leave, then?” The older boy demanded, suddenly and almost irrationally.          

“I didn’t think _you_ loved _me_.” he replied sensibly. “You were telling the entire world that the idea of a relationship with me was completely ridiculous. It hurt.”         

“I’m sorry. I promise I’ll never have to hurt you again.”         

“What are you saying, Lou?” Harry asked, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice.        

Louis sighed, considering the words before he spoke. He was terrified, but he was willing to do anything to get Harry back.

“I want to come out.”

“You don’t mean that,” Harry replied in disbelief.  

“I do,” he shot back.       

Harry knew how opposed Lou was to coming out. It was almost unimaginable that he would want to tell the public about their relationship. He could tell the very thought had his boyfriend shaking.       

“I don’t want to keep hurting you. It’s hurting me, too,” the boy continued.  

“You don’t have to do this for me, Lou. I don’t need you to come out for me. I just need you to show me you love me.”

“I do love you,” Louis sighed, eyes closing as his forehead rested on Harry’s collar bone.

“Then we’ll get through this together. Just you and me against the world.”

Louis let Harry’s words wash over him, calming him to the very core. He knew that things wouldn’t be easy. Their relationship was going to continue to be difficult. They were going to feel pain and anger and sorrow. They were going to be dragged through hell.

But Louis would rather face the deepest pits of fire with Harry than experience anything without him. They were two halves of a whole, two matching socks, lock and key. They were irrevocably bound together from now until forever. They were stuck with each other, completely inseparable, and Louis was okay with that.

 

_That’s when you know you’ve reached the sixth degree of separation_


End file.
